| The Trailer
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To be shown on all good TV and pirate stations.
Total running time: 1:01 seconds Typical film trailer-mans deep husky voice: "It was Christmas Eve, not a thing stirred."
Camera rises from just below street level to just above street level, and then pans around Midville at midnight. Darkness broken by a few streetlamps and the silent twinkling of the stars, everything is covered in snow and it is sleeting slightly. There is no life around, and no house lights burn. Trailer-mans voice: "Almost nothing stirred..." Slight jingle of bells, followed by a quiet 'Ho ho ho' Que dramatic music, cut to (5 seconds): Midville rooftop, Santa's sleigh is parked, and he is down the chimney, elves guard the rooftop, armed with M16's, when suddenly machinegun fire rakes across the roof scattering them... Cut to (5 seconds): Midville main street, Santa's sleigh is skimming, just above car height, towards an ACL blockade, tracer fire is going to and from the sleigh, ACL goons (dressed in black) are cut down at the blockade, and a nicely launched grenade from an elf generates an expensive explosion... Cut to (3 seconds): Dramatic aerial fight between two sleighs at very high speed, one piloted by Darth Claus, the other by Hooded Claus, sideswipe distance, elves jumping across the gap in vicious hand to hand combat, Hooded Claus's sleigh starts to go lower... Cut to (3 seconds): Lap Land, ACL troops (dressed in black) are storming Santa's home, elves are putting up a valiant fight. Gunfire, explosions and flames are all around, screams and curdles rise above the dramatic music...
Cut to: Santa stands in the foreground, in the background his home, some parts still burning with thick billowing smoke. Elves are getting tooled up, with rockets and guns, a heavily armoured sleigh is being pulled out of an untouched barn, and reindeer are being readied. Santa looks to the camera and we notice that his blended body armoured red coat is ripped and a slight trickle of blood comes from his right shoulder. He pumps a round from his shotgun, and in the hardest voice that Richard Attenburgh can do, says: "Is that all they've got...?" Slight pause. Que even more dramatic music for the trailer finale', cut to (3 seconds): Two black ACL helicopters rise above Midville, coming towards the camera firing their side mounted VMG's (tracer rounds) and missiles as they come... Cut to (3 seconds): An unnamed sleigh exploding in the air, fire, flames and gratuitous special effects galore... Cut to (3 seconds): Black ACL cars skidding and sliding their way down an iced packed, snow covered road, being chased by elves on flying reindeer with grimaces and determination in their eyes, gunfire reins all around... Cut to (3 seconds): Lee Majors, portable Vulcan empty at his feet, torn and battered body armour grabs the Tooth Fairy in a passionate embrace and they kiss... Cut to (3 seconds): Explosions, tracer fire, all within the Midville hardware store. Artificial hand grabs the counter top and then searches for a shotgun. Bruce Campbell rises and... Cuto to (4 seconds): Santa's sleigh is hit by guided missile fire, and the rear explodes, showering presents and elves out the back... Cut to (6 seconds): Random shots of explosions, missiles, sleighs, elves, ACL troopers, very dark skimpy shot of a blurred dinosaur type shape, robot, more explosions Cut to (5 seconds): Sleigh plummeting, on fire, a fireball crashing into the ground, with the biggest special effects explosion ever... Cut to:
Original Midville scene, no music, no explosions, just the whistle of wind. Pause, camera pans over Midville, snow falls gently...
Trailer-mans voice: "This Christmas, the presents are in trouble." Cut to: Full moon over Midville, Anti-Claws the dog in the foreground, howling for his master Fade to black.
Note to special effects team: Can we hide the string this time, and those long range shots of reindeer look like mice with antlers... They aren't, are they? | |
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Santa Claus vs the ACL |